If your partner cheated on you, at least you’re not alone. Cheating is estimated to occur in 25% of committed – or at least supposedly committed – relationships. The estimate is almost certainly an underestimate. How many people, when asked, will admit that they have cheated or, worse, that they are still cheating now?
It exists 3 main types of infidelity and other subdivisions also exist. Before knowing how to react to theinfidelityknowing the type of infidelity helps to identify the gender.
sexual infidelity
sexual infidelity may appear to some to be either all black or all white. Either they did or they didn’t! But where is the line? Embrace ? Caress? Oral sex? Something else ? And was this kiss a real kiss? Does it matter?
Even if your partner has had sex, you need to know why to better understand, and forgive the infidelity if you can/will.
Runners are constantly on the lookout. They are opportunists. The runner is always looking for sex opportunities. It doesn’t matter if it’s at work, having fun or combining work and pleasure.
Serial runners are collectors: they collect partners like other people might collect artwork or coins. Love stories, such as “The Collector’s Story,” are hard to change, despite promises, New Year’s resolutions, and even painful penalties like a string of failed past relationships. If you are with a runner, get used to it or get out. Your partner probably won’t change.
There are serial runner warning signs that tend to be quite reliable. : they can be often absent and have sneaky or changing explanations. They may seem risen from the dead when an attractive person enters their space. They may continue to have to “work late”.
Often each of us may be the last person to learn that we are with a runner. Ask around; other people probably know it, even if you don’t!
The extreme form of a serial runner is the conqueror. He (it could be a her, but usually it’s a him) seeks to make conquests. If you are with one of them, forget it. Once the conquest is made, you are history.
A casual active one-night stand will actively take advantage of a one-night occasion. Maybe he was at a party. Maybe everyone was drunk or stoned. Maybe the business dinner went beyond business, or at least, the original business. These partners will take advantage of opportunities, but will not be constantly on the lookout, like serial runners.
These people are not looking for sex but do not always resist the opportunity that someone presents to them. They may put up passive resistance, but they yield without superhuman effort. These people are ready for a one-night stand, but aren’t actively looking for it.
The avengers are pissed off. Their main concern isn’t necessarily infidelity, but balancing the score – one way or another. People generally want fairness in their relationships – they want to get back from their partner roughly in proportion to what they give to the partner. Infidelity can be revenge for the other partner’s romantic relationship, but it can be a way to even the score for an argument, for real or imagined abuse, or for feeling like they deserve much more than what they get from the relationship.
Long-term people are in it for the long haul; except “it” is not about you. Long-term people get something out of a long term alternative relationship.
Why do people fall into a long term infidelity ? They may feel that their main relationship is lost, but don’t want to get a divorce because of children, religion, or money. Or long-timers may consider themselves polyamorous because they think it’s okay to love several people intimately, and to love them more or less.
From their point of view, they get different things from each partner. They may not even see the additional partner as a threat to the main relationship. Their partner in the primary relationship, however, may ask to end the relationship.
emotional and cognitive infidelity
emotional infidelity may or may not involve sex. This happens whena person has intense feelings for a third person. It can be short or long term. It is a threat when the third party displaces the primary partner in their feelings and perhaps their dreams for the future.
This does not require physical reconciliations. This can and often does happen over the Internet, over the phone, or through the mail. The problem with emotional infidelity in a relationship is when your partner is there with you, they are not there for you.
Emotional infidelity is often accompanied bycognitive infidelity – when someone thinks a lot about someone else and can even be obsessed with someone else. Their thoughts go to a third person.
Good to know
Sooner or later, some infidelity opportunities will show up. You should discuss with your partner early in the relationship what you mean by “cheating”. Can you come to an agreement? Can you talk to your partner when your relationship is threatened? The best way to avoid problems in the future is to prepare for them before they happen.